When I was pregnant with Evelyn, I posted about each of my trimesters and figured I’d try to do the same this time around.
I broke all of my own TTC rules with this pregnancy. I tested way too soon, I peed on a stick every day for at least a week to watch the lines get darker, I kept on taking my temperature, even after all the positive tests. I wanted to be sure.
Pregnancy after a miscarriage is hard, but in some ways it’s also easier. My first pregnancy, before I had ever miscarried, was pretty blissful. Even though the unfortunate possibilities would occasionally swim around in the back of my head, I didn’t give in to them. That won’t happen to me. That only happens to other people. At the same time, I had to push the negative thoughts out of my head because I had convinced myself that I would never be able to survive a loss. The heartbreak would be too much for me to take after 6 long years of trying.
Now that I have experienced that loss, I have worried about every little thing and for some time I didn’t really allow myself to “believe” that I was actually pregnant. At the same time, I know if I have another loss, I will survive it. I made it through the last one and I can do it again, if that’s what I need to do. The fear of the unknown is gone to a certain extent, so that’s what makes it just a tiny bit easier. But still, every day that passes is another day for something to go wrong.
So, I was a little unnerved that I had virtually no pregnancy symptoms during the first trimester. I kept waiting for the nausea to hit me. I waited to be repulsed by certain smells and by even the thought of certain foods. I wondered when I would be hit with crippling fatigue. But, week 7 came, then week 8, then week 9…and still nothing. I was worried. I didn’t feel pregnant. Maybe it was all wrong. Maybe I was imagining it.
When I went in for my first doctor appointment, I expressed my concern over my lack of symptoms, so they arranged for me to have an ultrasound 2 days later. As soon as the tech put the wand on my belly, I could see our little peanut moving around! He told us right away that the baby was there and there was a heartbeat (178, I’m thinking girl!?) and I cried just a little as a huge surge of relief washed over me.
Despite the fact that my pregnancy symptoms have been almost non-existent, that doesn’t mean that I have had it easy. Once I had my ultrasound and was able to relax just a bit, then I got sick. One morning, I woke up with a strange rash on my back that turned out to be shingles. Fortunately, I got off pretty easy. I stressed myself out a ton, reading about shingles online and expecting to be in bed and in pain for weeks. But in the end, the rash didn’t really spread, and it only got a little itchy. But, by the time that was clearing itself up, then I came down with the flu…and I’m not talking a little cold…I’m talking monster flu. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt so utterly sick and miserable. I spent about 3 days on the couch, unable to do much except for cough, sneeze and gag. I couldn’t even really sleep it was so bad.
I went in for my NT Scan around 12 weeks and was able to have another ultrasound. The baby was being shy and the tech could not get the measurements he needed to be able to complete the screening, so they offered me a Panorama test, which is a blood test that will check for chromosomal abnormalities and I’ll also get to find out the gender! The baby’s heart rate was 176, so I am still thinking girl. They offered me a bunch of other tests as well, since I am considered to be high risk this time because of my age. *eye roll* I probably won’t do any of them unless some concerns arise. I also passed my first test for gestational diabetes, which was a big relief since I had to manage that with Evelyn.
One thing that is really different this time around is that I have been completely ravenous all the time. No food aversions for me…and my body wants carbs! Ugh…I’ve already gained more weight than I would like to mention and I’m a little worried that I am going to gain a lot more. My belly is popping out a lot sooner this time. At 13 weeks, I look like I did at 20 weeks with Evelyn! I wish I could say it’s all baby. Yikes!
This pregnancy has been so different from my first in so many other ways. It’s been a lot harder to sit and daydream about the little one since I am chasing after Evelyn all the time. My symptoms have been a lot milder too, so in general, I just haven’t been “feeling” pregnant. I found out that I was pregnant very early, so the time seems to be dragging on and on. At the same time, the weeks are flying by. I’m really looking forward to the second trimester, feeling movement, and beginning to prepare the nursery. And I’m hoping things will begin to calm down, so that I can just try to enjoy it for a bit, since this will very likely be my last baby. Having any more is at the top of my Murtaugh List. I’m just too old for this sh*t.